Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up, it knows it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve. It doesn’t matter whether you’re the lion or a gazelle – when the sun comes up, you’d better be running. – Christopher McDougall

Most days, I feel like the gazelle – running from the ferocity of my thoughts and fears.

I started running at the end of the summer in 2013. I always wanted to run – I had the desire, but I was scared. I would see people running on the sidewalk on my daily drive back home from work, I would see people run on the weekends… Old people, young people. One thing they all had in common? They were free. To me, they looked like the most powerful creature I had seen with my own eyes. I doubted my own body and my own endurance. I ached to be free.

One of my best friends, C, was into running and made it seem doable – she gave me some good tips and we would run together sometimes. At the beginning, it was as hard as I thought it was going to be – I thought I was going to die. I knew I wouldn’t die, but it sure felt like it sometimes. When I first started, I was lucky if I could run for two minutes at a time. I started to run every day. I bought running shoes, running pants, running tops. I’m not going to buy stuff to wear if I’m not going to use it – so, obviously this was a serious endeavor if it was going to affect my wardrobe.

As the days grew shorter and my endurance grew longer, my friend, Z, had just come back from Colorado after being honorably discharged from the Military. He said he would run with me every day. And, that’s what we did. We ran in the rain, we ran in the freezing cold as the fall nights set in, we ran with our dogs, we ran alone… we just ran. He pushed me – when I needed to stop, he let me stop, but he encouraged me to push through it. I found that even if I was just “baby jogging” (going the pace slower than turtles through peanut butter – that’s a quote from somewhere) I kept moving. Z and I eventually ended our daily runs when I started running through the freezing temperatures in December and the pouring rain – apparently I’m a little more crazy than a military veteran.

While I love the times I get to run with my friends, the times I run alone are my favorite. The times I run alone are when my thoughts perfectly align – they stop being jumbled and confusing. Somehow, for thirty minutes or an hour, they make perfect sense. The times I run alone, I am strong, I am happy…  I am free. I have proven to myself that I have accomplished something I never thought I could do. Running has changed me. I started running during a period of my life that was incredibly painful – a period that still lingers – running has made me stronger not only physically, but mentally. Running has taught me discipline and determination. Running has freed me.

Today, I ran my first 5K. Next month, I’ll run another 5K and am in the process of training for a half marathon in April.

{me & my friend C}