A woman once compared her relationship with her husband to that of a fisherman and a lone fish. She (the fish) was in a net hanging off the side of the boat and every now and then her husband (the fisherman) would lift the net out of the water, observe her and check on her – perhaps offer her a few words to keep being a good fish – and then place her back into the water.
I heard that account over 20 years ago as a naive little girl but it has stayed and ,at times, haunted me. I don’t know why I have never forgotten that after all these years – maybe the analogy seered itself into my young writer’s brain or maybe it was because as humans we often find ourselves being a fish in a net.
We can find ourselves swimming in our net… It’s restrictive but we can still swim. As our net floats along we can swim a little further, see a little bit more, feel a little more free. But just as we are seeing the potential of what lies ahead we are scooped up out of the water and observed.
Observed by the world. Observed by our family and friends. Observed by someone we love. We have been caught in nets of failure, of inadequacy, of rejection, of disregard. Our self esteem, our worth, our hope for a future filled with happiness and love and success has been contained in a solitary net where we find ourselves swimming around and around.
We are given bits of hope and praise and renewal – to keep working on ourselves in order to be set free from the net. So we hang on to crumbs and lowered back down into an all familiar world of abandonment as whatever hope we are hanging on to floats around us like an unattainable life preserver.
It can become a viscous cycle of disappointment, frustration, hopelessnes, and destruction. Too afraid to leave. Some hope and comfort is better than none at all. Familiarity can be a backstabbing companion.
We can find ourselves circling our nets and wondering:
How can I be good enough?
It’s my fault.
I’m the problem.
How can I fix myself?
What’s wrong with me?
Why is this happening to me?
The past almost 3 months of blogs have been mostly about taking responsibility and looking within ourselves to own up to our faults and weaknesses. Reminders we are the only ones who can better ourselves and to own up to when we screw up. To strive to be the best we can be.
But, sometimes, we do all of that and continue to better ourselves and we still find ourselves trapped in nets of crippling hurt. Maybe we find ourselves compromising or chipping away at our own worth in failed attempts to make ourselves accepted.
Sometimes it’s not us – there will always be people who will be disappointed with you, who will leave you feeling like you’re not enough, who will discourage your journey,who will abandon you when you need them the most, who will tell you to your face things that have the potential to shatter your worth. We cannot control other people – we can’t control fishers. But, we can control ourselves. And, since we are God breathed vessels and not fish, we have the ability to free ourselves from the nets.
The ability to say no. To walk away from circumstances that hurt us. From people who discourage us and leave us empty. From the pain we so often swim around in hoping it will one day turn into pleasure.
Who is your fisherman? Is it a dead end job you are too comfortable in to leave? Is it a family member you love but who continually tears you down and discourages your walk? It is haunting feeling of rejection from someone you love? Or, are you your own fisherman? Telling yourself you are only marginally good when you know you are really capable of inconceivable success and joy?
Whatever your circumstances are, I pray you find the strength to swim out from your net and explore your potential. That you will remember every moment you are God made – fearfully and wonderfully – and no matter what you have done, you are an amazing, intelligent, beautiful (or handsome) individual. That you are more than what’s in the mirror. You are more than what you have been told you aren’t. You are more than the words spoken to or over you that have broken your spirit.
You have the ability to influence those around you – for better or worse. I pray you use your talents and testimonies for The Lord and for enriching the lives of people you come into contact with. That you don’t forget that even though there are days of low tides, hurt, rejection, frustration… God sees the whole plan. And, even better – He has given us free will. To put to rest the past and the pain and to pursue our purpose.
Until next time… xoxo, patty lauren
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