Moonshine & Wanderlust

... a cosmopolitan view from a southern perspective

Don’t Be Afraid

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“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6

If you’ve been reading for awhile you know I am a proponent of not just of physical, spiritual, and emotional well being but also of mental well being. I struggled for a long time with anxiety and have found myself in a very peaceful place in my life. Most days, anyway. Some days are still incredibly difficult. But, that’s why I believe in tending to that part of my life just like all the others – patiently and diligently. Taking it day by day.

Recently during a deep talk I was trying to express some thoughts I was having about a certain situation where I felt complete rejection and abandonment. I wasn’t speaking my thoughts very well but the person I was talking to was able to speak back to me what I was trying to share with her – and went on to expound on it – and I found myself covering my face, crying. She said to me the things I knew in my heart but couldn’t speak with my mouth. And, it hit so deep inside of me the only thing that could come out were tears.

I have certain fears in my life. Fears I don’t talk about and fears I honestly try not to dwell on too much. But, they are very present in how I have conducted myself my whole life. Immense feelings of needing to please, the crushing weight of guilt, worried I am going to let someone down or hurt them, having a difficult time saying “no”, not always speaking my mind because I am “afraid” someone will not like what I have to say or judge me for my thoughts. I imagine some of you can relate to at least one of those.

Three months ago I found myself in a situation that tapped into feelings like a bolt of lightning. I couldn’t even verbalize at the time how a lifetime of those fears of mine culminated into one moment but they did. I know the pain wasn’t intentional yet it was something that was obviously meant to come to pass and the aftermath of it was something I was left to kind of deal with on my own. I was supposed to be a big girl and just deal with it. But, I wasn’t a big girl. I was a little girl in a woman’s body dealing with some deep rooted pain. And, when part of you doesn’t even know how to navigate the rush of feelings and thoughts you are having you can feel like you are absolutely drowning in life.

So… here I am three months later and find myself still learning new things about myself. Bettering myself. I’ve learned a lot – about me, about other people, about relationships, about friendships, about grace and forgiveness. About being gentle with myself and with others. About trying to find boundaries and actually implementing them. Most of my life I wasn’t in a position to set boundaries. In my adult life it’s been very difficult at times to set them and I am still struggling to set them in parts of my life. Because of fear.

We are all fighting battles. I had more people tell me in those months where I was treading water that my blog helped them or encouraged them. I heard stories that were far more difficult that my own. Little did all those people know when they told me I was blessing them they were really blessing me.

Just like exercising or healthful eating is a daily decision, so is taking care of your mental and emotional well-being. We can better our physical bodies but if we do not look into our hearts and minds and deal with those issues we are not tending to our whole being. If you find yourself swimming in an unfamiliar stream and fighting to focus on fighting the current, be gentle with yourself. And, don’t be afraid to ask for help. It doesn’t make you weak – it can help make you stronger.

until next time… xoxo, patty lauren

 

A Southern Girl in Paris Part 4: Pedaling through the Last Day of Paris

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Part 1.1 Part 1.2 Part 2 Part 3

Monday morning was Memorial Day here in the States and in France it was Whit Monday (the day after Pentecost Sunday). Last Memorial Day I was spending the day with friends, laying out by the pool, eating those summer sticky popsicles in the plastic sleeves, napping, and eating. It was a very American Memorial Day. This year I spent a holiday in Paris biking around the city.

Running in Paris

We woke up early and laced up for a little run around Montmartre. In typical Paris fashion, it was drizzling while we were out – so far it hadn’t rained at all so I was happy to see some sprinkles while I was still in town.

We started our run up these lovely stairs. In the words of my trainer, C, “Don’t think about it – just do it!” So – we did.

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We ran back over to Sacré-Cœur to see it during the day and peek inside. It’s as beautiful as you might imagine – I always love these types of churches. They are so reverent and Holy. It was a completely different scene from the evening before – no one else was around and it was very quiet.

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Paris is full of parks and we stopped at a small one to see the I Love You wall – a huge tile wall of the phrase in over 300 languages. I told ya’ll Paris is romantic. And, not in a sappy way but in a way that reminds you what love can be – passionate and crazy and carefree and uncomplicated.

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We ran through the cobblestone streets, the mist of an early morning mist showering us, the smell of bread being baked in the boulangeries – it was a perfect Paris morning. And, in true Parisian fashion – I stopped for a croissant after our run.

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I could have run around all morning looking at the cute shops and streets we passed.

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After our run, we headed back to the hotel to get ready for a full day of biking in Paris!

Mind Your Hand Signals

Paris has a bike system called Velib which for less than $2 you can rent a bike all day! Pretty sweet deal, right? To secure this nifty price the only catch is you have to dock your bike every 30 minutes. This really isn’t a big inconvenience because the Velib bike stations are everywhere around the city. As long as there is a slot open, you can dock the bike for 2 mins, get it back out and be on your way. If you miss the allotted re-dock time, you’re charged 1 Euro.

So, biking – I LOVE to bike. However, I bike on a little cruiser bike that doesn’t have gears, hand brakes, a bell, etc. In typical “me” fashion, it’s a very classic, basic bike. The Velib bikes are not basic – first of all, they are the equivalent of lugging around the dead weight of a grown man (that might be an exaggeration but that’s what it seemed like), they have gears and hand brakes and bells, etc. And, a basket – which I found to be perfect for a baguette and a bottle of wine.

It took me a good five minutes just to get my seat situated (which, by the way – was not conducive to my backside but that’s another story).

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It was at this point (yes, at the beginning) we started having bike problems. NOT MINE THIS TIME! Ha!

A’s first bike had a flat tire – which she didn’t realize until we had already headed away from the station we got our bikes. So, we stopped to redock and she got another one – this one had a faulty bell. We waited until it was time to redock our bikes to get another one and she enlisted me as the official “bike checker”, which included checking the brakes, handles, bells, and tires.

“All looks good!” I shouted while she was at the kiosk checking out the bike I had just “OKed”

She comes over to get it out of the slot and sees this:

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That’s right – it had a missing pedal.

“Patty! You failed me.”

We hadn’t experienced pedal problems yet! Anyway, after this time we checked absolutely everything on the bike. So, if you find yourself in a similar situation – save yourself some wasted time and frustration and give your rent-a-bike a good once over. Although, I can see how pedals would fall off as heavy as those things were.

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After our late-night encounter with the red light district we decided to head back in the daylight to see the famous Moulin Rouge. Of course, in the stark contrast of daylight the area was completely different. Well, not completely – a myriad of shops lined both sides of the streets. Ya’ll can use your imagination. 🙂

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It was cool to see such a famous site – all I could think of was the movie with Nicole Kidman. Seemed much more glamorous.

Monday was my shopping day so we stopped at several boutiques and stores for souvenirs. I don’t shop for myself when I travel – I usually pick up a momento from a restaurant or a site or keep ticket stubs and those are my souvenirs. If I do get myself anything, it’s usually a small piece of jewelry that’s locally made.

By the middle of our day, both my and A’s bike baskets were full of all matter of purchases… which, would have been fine if I hadn’t decided to fall off my bike. In the street. Let me back up a little bit – so there are lots of bike lanes in Paris (and even little red lights, too), which is great, but there are also plenty of streets that don’t have bike lanes. And, there don’t seem to be a lot of rules for cars or bikers. Which means you are navigating extremely busy roads relying on hand signals and eye contact to make sure you don’t get run over. I was having a legitimately difficult time with that bike and it being so heavy – couple that with trying to ride in the road and a basket full of glass and you get this scene:

A slowed down ahead of me so I did the same. The slow pace was just enough time for my top heavy bike to lean over to one side and crash completely into the sidewalk. My purse and souvenirs went splattering and rolling down the sidewalk. And, if that wasn’t enough I fell on top off the bike and then off of it.

What do you do? You just gotta laugh. It was funny. Tragic, but funny. It’s so typical of my life! Of course I brought a few extra souvenirs back in the way of bruises all over my lower body.

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We parked our bikes and headed to Angelina – a famous café that is said to be Audrey Hepburn’s favorite. I was (still love her) a huge fan of Audrey Hepburn growing up – Love in the Afternoon, Funny Face and my favorite, Sabrina (“Oh, but Paris isn’t for changing planes, it’s… it’s for changing your outlook, for… for throwing open the windows and letting in… letting in la vie en rose.”) – they all had elements of Paris in them and I guess that’s why I always thought it would be magical.

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I was hoping to have a little respite at Angelina but since I only wanted a couple macaroons and their famous hot chocolate it was a little “frowned upon” to have a seat in the main area. Definitely very Parisian and not very Southern. While the South is very accommodating, Paris proved to be very non-accommodating in many ways. Take it or leave it. But, the next best thing was to take the sweets across the street and sit in the park.

Their macaroons were good – I had better ones in New York City. The famous hot chocolate was out of this world – it was like drinking brownie batter. I couldn’t even finish that little cup!! Good for sharing 🙂

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After a little rest in the park, we biked back over to the area of the Louvre and walked around for a little while. Have I mentioned how much walking we did?

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This is what the sky looked like every day – perfect!

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Tuileries Garden

 

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As it started getting later into the evening we went in search of something to bring for the final viewing of the Eiffel Tower. The day was coming to a close – I was going to miss the simplicity of the past few days.

We were walking by the building below and A asked me if I thought people that lived in Paris really appreciated where they lived or realized how amazing it was to look out the window and see the Eiffel Tower everyday. I couldn’t answer the question because I don’t know – I would imagine they are “used” to their life so it’s not like us thinking about living there. The magic wears off after a while, I suppose.

The other night I was driving to a friend’s house out far away from the city and there was the most beautiful sunset starting. The mountains far off in the distance were clear and the sky was bright – flecked with pale tones of pink and purple and yellow. It wasn’t Paris, but Paris isn’t my home. And, I want to appreciate the beauty that’s around me and never take it for granted.

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We made our way over to the Eiffel Tower and found a good spot in the grass to relax. It was much less crowded than the last night we were there.

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The warm weather was abandoning us as the night crept on so we got ready to leave. Thankful for the opportunity to meet up with my sweet friend and make so many awesome, once-in-a-lifetime memories.

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 So ends the story of A Southern Girl in Paris…

until next time… bisous, patty lauren









A Southern Girl in Paris Part 3: Versailles and Paris by Night


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We take a lot of things for granted as a general lot. Comfortable beds. Air conditioning. Water. While I slept well at the hotel, the mattress was the equivalent of sleeping on the floor. Additionally, there is no air conditioning most places so sleeping with the window wide open at night was the go-to plan for air. Thankfully, there wasn’t humidity or the bugs we have in the South and I’m a big fan of open-window sleeping anyway so that was pleasant. The water thing, however, was not fun. I remembered this from Ireland, but we take getting water anywhere and everywhere in the States for granted. You can’t just pop in somewhere and ask for a cup of water. There are no water fountains or water dispensers in buildings. I spent a lot of money on just getting water and even resorted to carrying on around and filling it up from the bathroom before we left in the mornings. IMG_2867


Small Town Charm 


So, after a water stop it was time to head to Versailles! We had to make a couple of metro changes but that gave us a little time to wander around a smaller town on the way onto our final destination. I’ll admit the first couple of hours I was in Paris the first day it was a little lackluster. It reminded me way too much of New York City. And, while I love New York, I enjoy smaller areas and places that aren’t so – crowded. One reason I loved Chicago so much! Give me the culture and the holes in the wall and the charm. Leave the cigarettes and the masses and the rudeness somewhere else. So this little excursion really made me so happy! We had about twenty minutes to walk around this little town – quiet, charming… and very French. IMG_2888


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Look at how little their garages are!!


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the cutest little vintage Mini Cooper!


3 We caught our next train and headed towards Versailles. I had just asked A earlier that day if people didn’t play music in the metro like other cities and she said they did, we just hadn’t seen any yet. On the way to Versailles, two guys got on the train and started playing some polka-type accordion tunes. That would happen a lot – I’d ask about something and it would pop up later in the day. It would also happen a lot that people ask you for money in Paris, a lot. Another big city trait. FullSizeRender The line to get into the Palace of Versailles was long but it moved pretty quickly. Thankfully, A had an amazing idea to get a baguette and cheese so we could snack while we waited.


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Yeah I posed with the baguette. Bread and I have a long term love affair. Don’t know why I’m standing like I have to pee, though. #awkwardposes


The Palace of Versailles


It was 16 euro for the tour of the palace and access to part of the gardens. Upon entering, you can rent an audio guide or you can have savvy friends that suggest you use the Rick Steves Europe app that will walk you through the whole palace, room by room, and give you great details about what you are touring. And, it’s free! So if you are traveling to Europe and plan on visiting some historic sites, this is a great tool to download before your trip.


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we had to take a selfie in the Hall of Mirrors


IMG_2892 The Palace is just gorgeous – it was definitely worth the visit. The whole tour took up about half of our day and we headed back towards town later in the afternoon – but of course only after stopping at Starbucks (which I feel the need to say I only drank ONCE the whole time I was there. I deserve a pat on the back just for that accomplishment). On our way back, we made another stop off at a smaller area and found a park to sit in for awhile and watch some kiddos skateboard and scooter (is that a word? I don’t know). IMG_2906


Hillsong France


Once we got back into Paris we headed down into the area where Hillsong Paris is located. Interestingly enough you may find yourself wandering through the area of town that is home to Paris’s gay culture. And, you may find yourself staring at some baguettes that are shaped into… well, use your imagination. The church service was beautiful – it was a very energetic atmosphere and the guest speaker, Christine Caine, was so powerful. I still want to dedicate a blog to the message she delivered about passion. It is so God-like for Him to place these opportunities and moments in our lives when we already have issues pressing on our heartstrings.


Sacré Cœur


After the service we headed back to Montmartre to visit Sacré Cœur. A said while all the tourists are down under the Eiffel Tower in the evenings the Parisians are on the steps of Sacré Cœur overlooking all of Paris. Again, pictures cannot begin to show the beauty. For miles you can see all of Paris and beyond – shimmering lights and the night sky lit up a deep shade of pink from the street light’s reflection. It is something made of dreams. IMG_2912 IMG_2914 We just sat for a long time and listened to people singing and music playing. It was in so many of those moments I just kept remembering how fortunate I was and how I wanted to soak up the opportunity and the moments and keep them in me forever.


And, This is Where The Night Gets Interesting…


(you can stop reading here, Dad)


“We can walk home from here,” A says as we are getting ready to leave the cathedral.


We headed towards the back of the church and started walking towards some stairs that would take us back down to the street (I should mention there are a thousand steps to walk up to Sacré Cœur but how else do you burn off pastries and cheese?) We were the only ones at the back of the church except for two older folks and a carload of guys parked at the end of the cobblestone walkway.


We slowed down a little bit and looked at each other.


“Maybe we shouldn’t walk this way.”


“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.”


It was that moment we turned around and then the car horn started honking. We kept walking. A guy gets out of the car and starts hollering (it’s a word) at us in French. We kept walking. He continues to yell and wave his arms. We finally got around other people and took another way back down to the street.


“That was not gonna end well.”


Once we reached the street, we started walking toward the metro. And, on the way to the metro meant walking through the streets where some young Frenchmen were gathered. And, that meant getting the French equivalent of cat-called.


“Belle filles!” 


I’m pretty sure they called us the French word for b*tches when we didn’t stop but I joked to A I should have turned around and in my most country voice said something like, “What did you just say? My Daddy wouldn’t like the way you’re talking to me – he’ll come over here and give you a good whoopin’!”


They probably would have turned and ran the other way.


It gets better…


(really don’t read this part, Dad)


We got on the metro and somehow we got off on the wrong stop. I honestly can’t remember what we were trying to do – I think we were going to see something else and A thought we were getting off at the right stop. Anyway, we walk up to the street after getting off the train and I think we both immediately knew we shouldn’t be there.


There were lots of men scattered around the street – some in huddles, some alone. When we started walking across the road I could feel the stares and it wasn’t just an innocent thing. You know how you get that bad feeling in your gut and it’s heavy? That’s how I felt. I got goose bumps and little blurts of electricity in my nerves. Some of the men started walking towards us as we were walking around on the sidewalk.


“I don’t think we need to be here.”


“Yeah.”


“Seriously – let’s just get back on the metro.”


“I think you’re right.”


And as fast as we had walked across the street we were back again and on the train.


That’s when A says, “Okay, don’t be mad at me but that was the red light district.”


“What!”


“I didn’t know until we got off!”


Lord.


Third Time of Danger is a Charm…


We got off at our stop and as soon as we got off the train there was the worst smell ever. It smelled like a hospital. We headed up the escalator and that’s when I saw this homeless man with his pants down around his ankles. I couldn’t see exactly what he was doing but I could tell he was doing something with his leg and his hands.


“What was that guy doing?” I asked A.


“He was shooting up, Patty!”


#sheltered


 So ends the second exciting and adventurous day in Paris… Part 4 coming soon!


until next time… xoxo, patty lauren


 


Remembering to Dance


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I used to know someone who almost every time we were together we would end up dancing in the living room. Didn’t matter whose house we were at or what city we were in – there was always a dance party. I’m not talking about choreographed or swaying back and forth music – I’m talking about acting like idiots, jumping around, twirling around, and being 100% crazy dancing. And, we are talking about two grown ups with “real” and, at times, messy lives. It was a break from life – it was remembering to stay young.


This morning I was getting ready to work per the usual and had my Spotify playlist rotating through my workout songs. And, right there in what now seems like the most spacious bathroom in the world compared to the European bathroom I was using last week, I danced.


Some of my best memories of dancing weren’t the eight years I did it in a room filled with other bun headed girls but the humid summers spent with my best friends from college – dancing in the car, in our apartments making dance videos, swiveling each other around in rolling chairs across hardwood floors, learning new dance moves in sweltering hot establishments filled with tanned bodies living for the weekend, dancing in parking lots and in our front yards.


In those moments, we were presently in the moment. We were younger than we were, we were carefree. We didn’t care if we did the moves right or if people were watching – we just danced.


Sure, “learning to dance in the rain”, is a common phrase we hear but I never feel it’s literal. When’s the last time you danced in the rain? Or, your living room? By yourself or someone else? I thought about it this morning – how so many of us take for granted good health, bodies that work well and  have not betrayed us.


I don’t know the person who danced like an idiot with me anymore and college friends have married and moved away, but those moments stay with me. Lessons of youth, remembering to have fun, to love life, to turn all the lights off and turn the music way up… and dance.


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“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching,

Love like you’ll never be hurt,

Sing like there’s nobody listening,

And live like it’s heaven on earth.” – William Purkey


A City Girl Goes Camping : Chapter 1 – The Style


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Oooh camping! Nature, fresh air, meals over a fire, hiking, sleeping in a tent, hearing organic sounds, hammocks, and woodland creatures translates to some as a slice of Heaven – for me, it translates to being sticky, potential bug bites, sleeping exposed to animals with razor sharp teeth and more bugs, and deafening silence. Because, honestly – this is what I’ve always thought about camping:


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(if you don’t know what this is from, watch this)


In all seriousness, I love the beauty of nature and animals and all that jazz – but in the comfort of my own creature comfort, whether that be civilization or a car.


Alas, I made the mistake of telling a friend of mine I had never been camping so she made it her temporary life’s mission to make me go camping. So, I agreed.


The destination? Cumberland Mountain State Park 


More on that in Chapter 2. This post will be about a very serious question – what does a gal who has never been camping bring to spend a night in the wilderness?


Well, if you’re a little like me and you like your clothes and shoes and to look nice but you don’t want to be the ridiculous woman who wears high heels to go hiking, read on!


Beauty


I decided to spend the weekend sans makeup, so before I left for the camping excursion I prepped my skin with Bare Escentuals’ Blemish Therapy & Mineral Veil


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Have you seen Vaseline’s Lip Therapy adorable jelly pots? Love them! I brought along the Rosy Lips one to keep my lips hydrated with a little bit of color. The tortoise case holds a take along BE Mineral Veil.


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Before I left, I also ran it’s a 10 leave in conditioner in my hair (a little goes a long way)


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And, no beauty post of mine would be complete without a nod to dry shampoo. My holy grail DS is Oscar Blandi’s Pronto Dry Shampoo. It’s perfect and works wonders! However, for 1/4 of the price, Dove has a great aerosol dry shampoo that I have really come to love – and it smells divine! So – that definitely came with me!


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Clothes & Comfort


We were only going to be staying one night camping and I like to think I was extremely practical in what I brought to wear.


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That was it! Pretty awesome, I think. I brought two, long sleeved Life is Good shirts, a tank top, two pairs of comfy pants, a sweater, a pair of slipper socks, and a ball cap. It all fit into one bag and it felt awesome!


For shoes, I brought one pair. That’s right – ONE! These are my useful, go-to shoes – Chaco Toe Coop Clogs. Chaco doesn’t make them anymore, but you can actually buy them from Sierra Trading Post for less than $40! I get more compliments on these shoes than any stiletto I’ve ever worn. That’s got to mean something.


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I have this weird thing I’ve done for years when I go out of town… I always have to take something with me that makes me feel “comfortable.” It’s silly, but it’s always something small and brings me a lot of security.


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This time, it was my best friend’s sweater and t-shirt (high fives for guy best friends). I always take a t-shirt to use as a pillowcase when I go on vacation. I read it somewhere many years ago and have done it ever since. Small comforts of home!


Up Next? A City Girl Goes Camping: Chapter 2 – The Location