Letting it Go: Live from Paris

I’m presently sitting in the lobby of my Parisian hotel – Hotel BoroNali. I came down here with the intention of working on Part 2 of A Southern Girl in Paris but as things happen, I found myself led in another direction. These past few days have been breathtaking and in the midst of the beauty and awe and once in a lifetime memories I have found myself thinking about a lot of life things. I’ve thought a lot about the past six months – where it started, where I am now, what I’ve had the opportunity to experience, what I’ve learned, what I’ve gained, what I’ve lost. 

The night shift clerk has just brought me a basket of pastries and insisted on making me an espresso. 

 

So, I sit here – fed and content and thinking about the importance of letting go. My fellow listeners of Contemporary Christian music from the early 90s will probably remember Sierra. I don’t know why I have some of their music still on my rotating playlist, but their once popular song “Let it Go” popped up on my iPad iTunes. Honestly, I was looking for some more lighthearted jams but it was ironic this was the song that started playing with everything I’ve been thinking about recently. 

If you’ve carried your burdens, as far as you can go

If you’ve reached the end of your own strength

And you just can’t go on

If your days are filled with questions

And the answers they just don’t come

If you’ve put your faith in those who let you down

If the road you’re on seems like shaky ground

Turn your eyes toward heaven, He is waiting there

You’ll find the peace you’re longing for in His care

Bring Christ your broken heart

He will comfort you

With love to heal your deepest hurt

And grace to see you through

Fall into His open arms

Bring Christ your broken heart

Bring Christ your broken heart

If you’ve prayed for the sun to shine

Only to watch it rain

And if you find you’re weary from the struggle

Don’t think you can try again

When love is just an empty word

That echoes through the canyons of your soul

And you wonder just how long you’ll feel this way

Will you have the strength to hold on one more day

There is One who hears you and who understands

Place your wound soul in His nail-scarred hands

This is something I’ve touched on before – so many times we feel the need to take the reigns and drive our own destiny. I’m a pro at shoving God over and saying, “Look, I’ve got this – just sit back and enjoy the ride” and inevitably I get lost or broken down and I find myself realizing my life is much better off when I surrender the things to God I cannot control. 

We had the opportunity to hear Christine Cain at Hillsong Paris on Sunday night and everything she said resonated so much with this thought of letting it go. I want to go into more detail about that in another blog, but I found the tears coming as she spoke the words “God wants to do more through our life but we don’t want to be interrupted. ‘I’m busy – don’t interrupt me, God…'” We are so driven but what we think is best we leave no room for God.

She made another great point – we put everything in a box. We have a God box and a work box and a relationship box, etc. We have everything planned out. We leave no room for God to move in our lives. I couldn’t help but think of what I have missed out on because of my own selfish desire to control. We can’t let the past go so we revisit it and we rummenate over it and we try to recreate it and we are stuck in a never ending cycle of disappointment, sadness, feeling like you’re not good enough, having feelings of regret and shame. It’s a vicious cycle meant to tear our spirits down and to keep us from being the best we can be and from being completely open to so many experiences we may only dream of having. 

Why is it so hard to LET IT GO? It has taken me years to finally let go of some things but once I truly, utterly let it go and totally gave it to God and didn’t look back the weight that was lifted was unimaginable. Why does it almost feel like a compulsion to live in the past? The past is BEHIND you. What is in front of you that you are missing because you are too busy looking back? I can’t help but think of Lot’s wife from the Bible – she had one command… to not look back. But, she couldn’t help herself. She had to have one more look back at her old life. What was comfortable. What felt good. And, because of that one little decision… she paid the ultimate price. 

At 30 years old I finally feel like this is the “aha” moment – I am living presently and fully and open. We are a blessed people! We have so much to live for – even in the moments of sorrow we have a reason to have JOY! It has to be a daily, deliberate decision to let the rest of it go. To not look back. To push, to go forward, to work, to dream, to LIVE. To break open the boxes and be free. And, we can only be free – truly free – when we let go. 

                               In the words of Destiny’s Child – “ain’t no feeling like being free” 
until next time… xoxo, patty lauren