Who Are You Doing It For

Over the past three months I have gotten a lot of freely given feedback from friends, family, strangers, etc. about my lifestyle changes. I’ve gotten plenty of negative comments and continue to receive them, but I have become pretty good about either tuning it out or laughing. Because, I’m not doing this for anyone but myself. If I was doing it to please other people or to gain some sort of accolade from another person I would have given up or stopped a long time ago. Because, sure, the compliments are nice and sometimes they do give you a boost in motivation but at the end of the day the only person I’m going to sleep with is myself and I have to get up every morning of my life and look at myself in the mirror and face HER. My only competition.

Why did I start? Honestly, I started because I was depressed. I woke up one day and I was tired of feeling the way I was feeling and I knew I could handle my situation in ways I had before – by sleeping too much, crying too much, wallowing in my misery, eating a whole pizza alone, or I could CHANGE. The tears still came but they came while I was working out. I still hurt but I hurt when I was in yoga class. I refused to be home moping around when I could be a better me. Not just for myself but for others around me.

I’ll be the first to admit at first I didn’t do everything the “right” way at first. There were weeks I didn’t eat and when I did eat it was just enough to get by. Not that I do everything right now, either, but I am much more healthy in general as I try to accomplish goals I’ve set. I know what to eat and what not to eat and I’ve learned the importance of not just what I eat but when I eat. It’s a daily learning process and I love it.

Another big thing for me that has changed is I can ask for help now and not feel like a complete failure. I can admit I don’t know what I’m doing and be open to learning. I got a personal trainer at the end of April, right after my half marathon (I still can’t believe I did that – eek!), to help me with my goals. I have pictures of certain goals I want to reach and my trainer is the only one who has seen them and she’ll stay the only one to see them. I’ve gotten a little sensitive when people say I’m skinny. That’s not my goal but I can’t sit down and have that conversation with everyone. I think the nicest thing I’ve been told since I’ve started this journey is that I look happy. Because, I AM! I have bad days just like everyone else and I struggle with things like everyone else but I can say I am genuinely happy with my life.

The biggest change I’ve made is not in my working out and what I do in the gym, but my food. You know that saying – abs are made in the kitchen. It’s true. I love my food… It’s a whole experience for me. And, it still is but I get to reserve those decadent moments for special occasions. I wasn’t a horrible eater before but I have completely changed everything. I eat an extremely clean diet and I hate the term cheat meals. I don’t toe the line all week to stuff my face one night a week. If I get invited to dinner or go out with friends and I want a burger – I’ll get one. I may alter a couple of things but I certainly don’t deprive myself. It took me months to get to that point though. My personality is one that when I do something I have to do it to the extreme sometimes so to give myself that leeway has been a huge personal accomplishment. I don’t worry one dinner or meal is going to cause all of my effort to crumble. I pickup exactly where I was before and keep going.

I could go on all day about what I do and don’t do but the point is – you have to do it for yourself. Not for your family or your friends or boyfriend or husband. You have to want it so bad it’s your priority. Because as corny as it is, it is a lifestyle change. It’s not a temporary diet or a cleanse or to do it for your bikini – it is your LIFE. Make it your best life because you only get one!