What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.
As of today I am 9 days away from my competition. I’ve talked about this a lot before but when I first started getting into shape, etc. my goal was never to compete in a fitness competition. I came into training at a time in my life where I was struggling and knew I had to take control and change my life. I say that to say this is not the end of anything – I’ve had a lot of people ask me if I’m going to “go back to normal” after this or “what’s next?” It’s funny because this is my new normal. I definitely won’t be pounding out 3 gym sessions a day after next weekend, but I’ll still be there every day working just as hard. I will just have different priorities and that feeling feels so good.
It feels good to accomplish a goal… and while I’m still not quite there yet, after 17-18 weeks of prep 9 days feels like nothing. I am so excited about life and what’s coming up and I’m not going to lie – I’m really excited about not prepping for awhile. Not just because of that $94 worth of pizza being shipped from Chicago (ya’ll, I don’t play with my pizza) but because prep is like a mini battlefield – emotionally, mentally, physically. My body and mind need a reset to get stronger.
Recently I had a few friends over for some impromptu pumpkin painting (trying saying that five times fast) – which is right up my alley. I love hosting, I love having parties – small, big. I enjoy making things pretty for other people and having a nice presentation. That was what Moonshine & Wanderlust was born out of – a love of life and lovely things. And, while some priorities have shifted that aspect will never change. When my friends came over I wanted things to be as nice as they could even for a painting party. So, of course – I had to bake. I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t bake something. I think people have felt weird at times eating around me or bringing food around me but honestly it really doesn’t bother me. I really appreciate those who get this – they act normal and don’t treat me like I’m being weird. They’re not doing what I’m doing but they respect it and they just don’t make it an issue.
Would I like to eat my homemade pumpkin snickerdoodle bars or hot chocolate chip cookies right out of the oven? Yeah, of course. But, right now I can’t. And, that’s okay. I have prepped for 17ish weeks but I have been on a pretty restrictive eating regiment for 7 months and there are a lot of things I haven’t eaten at all in that time period. Ya’ll, I haven’t had sweet tea in 6 months. SIX MONTHS. Who am I. What is my life. Am I even Southern anymore? Sigh. So, while I would like to think I could hammer some cookies or snickerdoodle bars the reality is I can’t do that anymore. I’m going to have to be really careful how and what I reintroduce to my body and do it in a slow way… but, cookies will be had. No worries.
It’s kind of become a joke with certain things being “Patty Circa 2012” – if that Patty had been in a kitchen full of those things at that time in her life half of it would probably have been gone. For a few years I was a heavy binge eater. I went through phases of eating a lot and then not eating, etc. It was so unhealthy. I wondered why I didn’t lose weight, I wondered why I had low energy, I wondered why I felt tired all of the time. So of that was attributed to some medical things but most of it was the way I treated my body and that was badly. So, here I am – 40 lbs lighter eating 5-6 times a day in contrast to being 40 lbs heavier eating 1-2 times a day.
Part of me really doesn’t like calling this whole life change a “journey” because at this point this is my life full time. I’m in the best shape of my life and I’m not really looking to lose any more weight – I threw my scale away at home (I think I’ve mentioned this before) so I don’t focus on numbers anymore. As far “what’s next?” – that’s probably what I’m most excited about (besides pizza). But, I am waiting until after my competition to share any news! So, look for that blog soon!
So, no I will not be going “back to normal” because my normal was unhealthy. I was incredibly unhappy with myself and that flowed over to every part of my life. I made changes in my life and did new things but I couldn’t really live until this year. It has undeniably been the best and at times, hardest, year of my life. I’m going to be really sad to tell thirty goodbye in many ways because that was the year I really felt like I was born. But, it’s all up from here.
until next time… xoxo, patty lauren
Let's Talk...