Glitter in Their Veins

I could see my reflection in the bathroom window… dancing in the hallway, hair flying around, flickering candles and three blurs behind me. Time seemed to slow down for a few minutes. In the midst of silly dance moves and a lot of laughter I surveyed the scene. The coffee table had been moved out of the way from dancing legs, a mirror had been taken off the wall, the ottoman had been pushed to the other side of the room.

The room was a mess no doubt but it was filled with dancing and laughter – lots of laughter – with women who were just grown up girls, who had deep running trenches of life that had been lived, who were figuring out what the present meant to them after broken promises, broken hearts, and broken dreams, who were determined to grab life by the throat and get every last ounce of adventure out of it. Who had fallen apart and come back together. Who had seen their share of war stories, had been there to together to stumble through the mess.

For five years my home has been privy to a lot of life. Life lived by myself, life lived by other people. Love, laughter, tears – my home has been full. There have been dark moments lived by me in that apartment that living alone felt like banging in my ears. I feel like I have been given such a gift this year. While there are still days I struggle with my own demons and moments where I feel utterly confused it is nothing compared to the Patty of the past. This year I have been able to shed old skin, step into a new life, and have found myself being able to be there for other people in ways I never would I have imagined.

I have been able to be the shoulder to cry on, to have my doors open for someone who needs to chat, the person who gets to pray for someone else… I have responsibilities now. Not just to myself but to my friends. To the people in my life that I am close to. It has given me purpose and strength. I learned how to be strong on my own and now I can be strong for someone else. I can relate to the broken hearts and the demonizing issues we often face as young women. It has caused me to be more thoughtful about my own life decisions, my daily choices, and the way I lead my life. We all want to have purpose and to feel needed and I feel like I have been given that gift this year.

I remember several months ago when I was in a place of serious emotional turmoil I was talking with someone very close to me who said I was going through that period in my life to be used to help other people. The conversation ran deeper than that, but I will never forget it. In those moments when you feel utterly ripped to shreds it’s really difficult to see down the road. How could I ever help someone else? But, now I see.

This year I have grown closer that I could have imagined to friends that I have had in my life but we never have been able to come together and really connect like we have this year. I have made new friends who seem like old friends and I have no doubt will be in my life for a long time. By embracing my true self, by wading through so much internal junk, and by watching the strength of others around me I have been able to turn myself completely outward and be the best friend I’ve ever been in my life.

I’ve been fortunate to have a lot of people come to me and share with me their stories or how I may have encouraged them, but you may never realize the depths of your influence on others around you. Your story – your life, your influence, your choices… You have no idea who is really watching you. Who is encouraged by your strength even in moments when you feel weak.

You never know who, because of you, decided to change something about their life. Maybe it’s physical or maybe it’s emotional. Maybe they decided to walk away from an abusive relationship or they decided to stop partying or they decided to go to church. Our impact on those around us is great. I think back to the people who have influenced me – and some have no idea and will never know the depths of their influence – and I know it was because of them that I was able to push through on hard days.

Even now when I receive a note or a text message from someone who is telling me I’m inspirational they have no idea how that gives me strength to keep going. It simply affirms I am doing what I was meant to do. Their stories give me hope that we all can change if we try. That we are not doomed to an unfulfilling life. That all it really takes is to wake up one morning and say, “Today is the day I am going to change.” And, then do it. Every day. Every choice.

And, remember one day you will be that person that people will say about, “You influenced my life.” Your decision to change. Your strength to never give up. One day you will have gone through the metamorphosis and you will be flying and you will look around you and see the cocoons of your influence. Because, it won’t just be about you anymore. It will be about strangers, about your family, about your friends, about your children. All because you made a decision and never gave up.

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“When you become detached mentally from yourself and concentrate on helping other people with their difficulties, you will be able to cope with your own more effectively. Somehow, the act of self-giving is a personal power-releasing factor.” – Norman Vincent Peale